Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
