i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's great music for shaving your balls
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
