If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
