is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
