Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
