this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In other news, I just burned my penis
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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