omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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