he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
