very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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