And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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