Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
