They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
