I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What a dumb baby whore.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
