just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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