so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
