i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
