I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have aggressive nipples.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
