I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
