Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
