Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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