Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
