he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
