Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
