He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
