grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
