i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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