I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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