My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
