Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
