I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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