So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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