just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
