well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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