I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
