yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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