That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
