I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
