Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
