we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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