you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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