Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
