It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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