It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
