Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize