oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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