3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
your room smells of hookers.
And success
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
