Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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