awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
