i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
