I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
