Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
