i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
