i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
