she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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