The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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