Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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