He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
