I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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