I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
