she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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