your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
