No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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