He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
