I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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