I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
