I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
