12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
