I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
