I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
