what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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