Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
