So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
