If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
